Cityscape Male Zone
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Category Male Zone

Storming the beaches

Heads up, lads! Cityscape's got some tips for staying stylish by the surf this summer. Squarecuts, yes; thigh pubes, no.

Manscaping 101
Deforestation has its upsides.

Whether it’s in the boudoir or at the beach, there’s no excuse for thigh pubes, gorilla shoulders or a hair shirt – unless you’re a total Chewbacca AND you own it (and if so, props to you, Kong). The first rule of manscaping is put down the shaving cream and razor – trading your man fur for prickly, razor burnt skin and ingrown hairs is a total sucker punch. Get your hands on some clippers or a beard trimmer with an adjustable guard and start grafting. Rules to trim by Chest hair is back, so embrace it – de-shag the pile with a #2. Thigh pubes? #2. Tame underarm hairs with a #4. Tackling the tackle: yep, we’re going (down) there. If porn’s taught us anything it’s the shorter the grass, the bigger the tree looks. Keep it natural (no shapes/designs) and nothing shorter than a #3, otherwise things get prickly. Trim your junk without attachments or guards – just be on guard and keep the skin tight to avoid nicks. For back and shoulder hair, you should get in good with your local waxer (hey, why not upgrade to the back, crack and sack combo while you’re at it – no pain, no gain!) or consider permanent laser treatments.

Wardrobe Mistress
The Wardrobe Mistress runs her riding crop over swimwear for the blokes this summer.

Summer’s here, and you lads may be wondering how much thigh to put out there down at the beach. Let’s face it, boardshorts are the safest option, and a go-to favourite for many. Safe doesn’t have to mean boring, though – you may want to throw on a shirt and hit a bar after the surf, so avoid the garish, keep them lean and trim and look for hot retro patterns and vibrant block colours. Going shorter, a decent pair of trunks these days harks back to the 60s-surfer bathing suit. A trim fit is the in, but ensure you’re not going to cut circulation to anything vital or sporting a verandah over the toolshed! Unfortunately, Speedos are not for the majority, and should in fact possibly be legally restricted to Olympic swimmers only. If you think a bit more fabric will bridge the gap between ‘no!’ and ‘whoa!’, you can consider squarecuts, as famously sported by Daniel Craig in Casino Royale. Remember that we’re not all James Bond though, and if the question “can I pull these off?” pops into your head for even a moment, the answer is that you probably can’t. Do yourself and the world a favour and hand them back to the shop assistant.


Cityscape is the essential Christchurch directory of where to eat and drink, what to do and where to shop. From the best events to add to your calendar to tips to ensure you squeeze out the very essence of the city, Cityscape has the city of Christchurch covered inside and out.


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Guest 16 December 2017